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「Anonymous」Chapter 9
Chapter 9
“Let’s go home.” Nino half commanded, half begged.
“Nino… what are you doing here?”
“Let’s go home-”
“Not until you explain what is going on,” Aiba interjected, before fear took him and his voice quivered. The younger refused to answer as more tears pooled under his eyes. Aiba was incapable of interpreting what they meant. “Nino…?” He couldn’t help but insist, yet Nino couldn’t force himself to think of an excuse.
“Please…” Nino’s eyes pleaded as well, unable to repeat himself without his voice cutting. He appeared weak, vulnerable even, and just the thought of it broke Aiba’s heart, but it hurt him even more that he had no other choice than to listen to Nino.
When Masaki gave in, Nino walked quickly towards him, closing their distance to pull Masaki away with him. Masaki let himself be led by the other while attempting to keep up with his pace, exiting the terrace and entering the elevator.
All the way down, Nino’s grip on Aiba’s wrist never loosened, as to not let him escape. Aiba was about to protest the strength Nino used on him, but there was something about the younger’s silence that took away Aiba’s will to make a sound.
The ride down became eternal and Aiba’s eyes never left Ninomiya, asking himself why. Trying to imagine him at the other side of that phone and finding no possible answer. He had to be wrong. He must be joking…
When the elevator finally stopped at the lobby, Nino pulled him once again to the exit of the company building, proceeding to call a taxi that took them home.
~
Once they arrived at Aiba’s apartment, Ninomiya ordered Aiba to take a bath. He must have noticed Aiba clothes were still wet and Aiba understood he was only looking out for him, but it bothered Aiba that Nino were only delaying things more. Ninomiya insisted. He was mad. He would have it no other way, so Aiba had no choice but to follow.
When he finished with his bath, Aiba’s apartment seemed empty again. Aiba called Nino’s name twice, but his friend wasn’t sitting on his sofa nor in his kitchen, searching his fridge for beer as he accustomed to. It wasn’t until he considered his bedroom that he found a lump laying on a corner of his bed, half asleep while he waited for Aiba to come out of his bath.
Aiba’s gaze fixed on him, unable to say a word about what he observed from Nino. It was impossible trying to take in what it all meant and even worse was the feeling of realizing he didn’t know what to do next. When he once felt so sure…
Aiba sat on his bed to dry his hair. By the other’s stillness he guessed he didn’t want to talk after all, but he was proven wrong when he heard the sudden awakening of the younger’s voice.
“I’m not him,”
His words came unexpectedly, bringing Aiba’s thoughts to a halt. “…What?”
“I’m not him,” Nino repeated, this time his voice came across clearly. “No matter how much I would’ve wanted to be...”
Aiba’s bewilderment took away his words.
“Masaki…?” Ninomiya sat up on the bed, refusing to face Aiba and giving him his back instead. “Do you remember that first time I met you?” Nino began.
“If I'm not wrong, it must have been spring. The weather was irritating. I woke up with allergies and I didn't want to go to work that morning, but I still came in thinking I needed to get my paycheck. It was the day of the interviews and I saw you early noon, sitting at a table at the café. Your hair was freakishly long, your tie had an odd knot and your interview clothes looked like they've seen better days, but you still managed to pull off the look somehow. You brought in a bento that came with a small hand-written note you placed right next to your drink. It looked like you had a rough time at the interview, but that note was enough to get a smile out of you.”
“I was cleaning the table near yours when I caught a glimpse of your phone. You were playing those funny animal videos as if to cheer yourself up. I found it so dumb and childish I laughed to myself. When you spilled your water and I rushed to clean it up, you refused my help and said you would clean the mess yourself even though it was my job. After I handed you a new napkin, I went back to the bar and came back to place a cup of coffee on your table and say it was on the house. I thought it would be the last time I would see you, so I thought I could spare some of my tipping money with you. But then you came back to the café… A month had passed. Your hair was cut, your tie straight, your suit was a proper shade of black and your shoes were polished. You made the line that day just so you could find me in the register and say, "I'm back" with a stupid smile on your face. And regardless of how early in the morning it may have been, you made me smile. That's when I realized... I had feelings for you.”
“I feel stupid saying this now. It was pathetic, so I never wanted to admit it. But… that you would even allow me to be your friend, that I could see you every day, meant the world to me. And it didn't matter how I felt, I knew... that if I ever decided to tell you, I would lose you. Because, even if you would have reject me in the kindest way and keep stopping by the café each time you came to work, I knew I wouldn't be able to bare it. That I would eventually give in and start avoiding you. That's why I decided you didn't needed to know. And gradually each day became better than the last because you were always there. Soon enough, it wasn't just the thought of my paycheck that made me go to work each morning, but the fact that I had to be there to make you that first cup of coffee to get you through the day.”
“You became my best friend, so I made up my mind to get rid of what I had felt for you once. I didn't want it to get in my way to keeping things as they were. It took me a while but eventually I taught myself to stop looking at you such way and it helped me to be more honest with you. I thought those days would never end. But then he came along… Anon.”
“I thought he was just another freak on his phone, desperate for attention. I thought you would grow tired of it quickly, but… I underestimated him. I couldn’t take you seriously when you spoke of him. There was no way that freak would have won you over with just text. It couldn’t have been that easy. When I’d tried so much before… It was humiliating. Who the hell did he think he was? What was so different about him? How could you have fallen for someone like that? I couldn’t stand it. Or maybe… Maybe it was me who never tried hard enough.”
“When I said I was going to try and understand your feelings, I meant it. I realized that time I spent away from you that I couldn’t be mad with you for liking Anon. Since it was what you wanted, I couldn’t change your mind. It would have been easier, though … if you decided to be in love with Jun instead. I knew since the first time I saw you together that he was crazy for you, but man… you were always bad at picking up my flirting, there was no doubt Jun was going to have a rough time with you as well. What I didn’t predict, though… was that Jun would lose even to him. Then I realized I couldn’t keep pretending. You were asking me to stay still and watch a crash in slow motion. I couldn’t allow it… I simply couldn’t.”
“I was about to let it go. If I saw you with him tonight, if you were already gone, I would have let it go. But you were there, alone, soaking yourself in the rain like an idiot, just when you got over a cold… I understood the only idiot had been me all along and I was not going to let him make a fool out of you anymore…”
“Nino…” Aiba noticed the younger’s voice cutting again, but Nino refused to let it stop him. He carried on.
“Don’t get me wrong. I’m saying this now because I’m over you. It took me some time, but… I can admit it now because... I feel like it's happening all over again. I think... I'm in love with someone. I didn’t think I would be able to admit it, but… I understand now. He’s been there with me all this time. Even when I rejected him once, he’s been so patient with me… even though I’m probably a wreck to him. He... has made me the happiest I’ve ever been this past few months. When I’m with him, it reminds me of when I first met you and how I felt back then... it feels right. He’s far more than what I could ever ask for.”
Ninomiya paused. He stared at his feet not knowing where else to look. Trying to reach back to his words as he dried his face with his sleeves.
“I will never regret getting up that morning when I didn't want to go to work. If I hadn't, I would have never met you, or fall in love with you... Nor would I allow myself to be in love now.” When he finally turned towards Aiba, the latter could see the glistening of his eyes. “Listen to me,” Nino spoke in alert this time. “If Anon truly feels the slightest bit in love with you as I felt before, he wouldn't go another day hiding from you. He wouldn't bear the thought of making you hurt like this. If he truly loves you... he would stop being a coward. This isn't about who is through that phone anymore. You should go and follow whoever you truly believe deserves your attention. Whoever makes all those promises he has fooled you with and keeps them.”
Aiba couldn’t hold himself back any longer. It was painful to think he’d made his friend go through so much for so long without realizing a thing. How blind could he have been that he never noticed his kindness before? His guilt was great, but even greater was his happiness to know Nino was still his friend.
Instead of giving him a verbal response, Aiba nodded to him, but he couldn’t help but feel it wasn’t enough. When he recognized he wouldn’t be able to hold his flowing tears back, Aiba gave in and trapped Nino in a sudden and tight embrace. The younger couldn’t say he was completely surprised for Aiba had always been a cry baby, although he always cried hardest for the wrong reasons. Although he thought about it for a long second, Ninomiya returned the gesture, his hand patting on Aiba’s back to let him know it would be okay. He was not mad. He did not hate him.
Nino had begun to feel his eyes watering again too, yet he couldn’t help but chuckle due to the way his friend sobbed disgustingly into his shoulder, running the mood for both. Yet Nino chose to forgive him this once.
~
That next morning, when Aiba woke up beside Nino, he found a clarity that wasn’t there before. He decided that moving on from anon was his best option. It was the least Aiba could do to start making something right.
Nino decided not to comment on it. Knowing his friend, he would just have to wait and see if Aiba would find it as easy as he thought it was initially. Nino was ready to support his decision, regardless and gave Aiba an earnest “good luck”.
“You sure you’ll be okay?” Aiba couldn’t help but ask yet again as they both entered the company building.
“I already told you, I’m fine,” Nino breathed out. “Stop asking as if I were sick.”
Aiba was sorry for insisting, but he didn’t want to take things lightly with him, not when he was sure his friend would have been better taking the day off for once.
“You’ll call me if you need anything, right?”
“Yeah, sure…”
“You promise?”
“No.”
They both rode the elevator to Nino’s floor when Aiba dared to ask. “Then, if you don’t want to talk to me, at least… would you call your boyfriend?” Ninomiya said nothing, almost refusing to meet the other’s gaze. He honestly had hoped Aiba would have forgotten that part of his confession. “He’s looking out for you, no? Please… contact him if you don’t feel like working, okay?”
It took a lot of effort, but Nino couldn’t stop the smile from peeking in between his lips. “Mhm…”
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing,” Nino lied through his teeth.
“He works here, doesn’t he?” The elevator ascended until it came to a halt on Nino’s floor. “Would you introdu-”
“No,” Nino cut him off when he stepped out. Before Aiba could protest, Nino explained. “He asked me to keep it quiet. Sorry. That includes you.” He escaped right after, saving himself from the interrogation and leaving to work.
Aiba thought it strange that Nino’s relationship had any reason to be kept secret, yet, if it made his friend this much happier, there shouldn’t be anything to worry about. Nino had incredible instincts and he would never involve himself in something so complicated. If anything, Aiba had to acknowledge Nino was in better hands.
~
‘Hello there, Aiba.’
‘I’m sorry for contacting you at a time like this,
I know you must be busy, but I’ve been hoping we
could chat, and if time allows it, I would like to meet
with you.’
‘I’ll be waiting for your response.’
‘I’m sorry. I don’t have you in my contacts. Who is this?
I’m sure I can arrange some time for you with
some more information.’
‘I must say I feel a bit shocked that you never saved
my number in all this time. Makes me think twice about
contacting you like this. Luckily, I knew you were always
an airhead so I can’t be too surprised, can’t I?’
‘I’m sorry?’
‘No clue at all? Well… might as well make myself
a stranger and have my fun with it.’
‘Excuse me if I’ve offended you, but I’ve had enough
of strangers stealing my phone number. If you won’t identify
yourself I’m afraid I won’t be able to assist you.’
‘Alright, alright… I understand. Just cut me some slack,
would you? Man… after I probably saved your ass all the
way through high school you consider me a stranger, Aibaka.’
‘What?’
‘You’re going to keep dragging this on? What?
Not enough for you? Damn… I sure overestimated you.’
‘Kazama?’
‘There you go! Wasn’t that hard, was it?’
‘It’s really you?’
‘I’m so sorry I had no idea.’
‘I could tell. Luckily, it’s still funny to make a
fool out of you, Aibaka.’
‘For some of us at least.’
‘Then? What do you say we have a beer for old time’s sake?’
‘I guess it wouldn’t be bad. I’ve been meaning to
see you as well. What is it you want to talk about?’
‘It’s better if we do this in person, don’t you think, Aibaka?’
~
‘He’s an old friend, no? Go. It’ll be fine.’
‘Yeah but… I wanted us to do something together
instead. I don’t want to leave you alone tonight.’
‘It’ll be fine, so go. It must be something
important if he texted so suddenly.’
‘Yeah… I guess.’
‘Are you sure it’s okay?’
‘Aiba, I swear, if you ask one more time...’
‘…’
‘If it’s of any consolation, I wanted to cancel
plans with you tonight.’
‘But why?’
‘It’s kind of obvious.’
‘?’
‘Your boyfriend?’
‘Did you have plans together?’
‘I sort of made them just a moment ago.’
‘Really? YOU asked him out? On a date?’
‘…’
‘Nino… I never took you as one to take the initiative!
When did you switch sides?’
‘That’s none of your damn business.’
‘That’s interesting. Do you really like him that much?’
‘Stupid…’
‘You have no excuse. Stop butting in and go
see your friend.’
‘Alright. But, take it easy with him, okay? And don’t tire
yourself too much. Remember your back pains.’
‘Oh! Don’t forget to use protection!’
‘STOP MAKING IT WEIRD.’
~
After work, Aiba had no other choice than to agree to Kazama’s invitation. He showed himself out of the office a little earlier, just to avoid having to be seen by the director or even by Jun a last time that day. If the days were to get any more awkward with them around, Aiba didn’t know how he would be making it to work from now on.
Kazama had asked for him to meet him at the bar Aiba frequented with Nino. Initially, it had been Kazama who showed him the food there and it was always because of Aiba’s insistence that he would return there with Nino almost every day after work. Remembering it now only made him wonder of the reasons why Nino always agreed to do everything he asked.
It was easy to spot Kazama sitting at a lonely table on the far side of the small restaurant. When the other spotted Aiba, he waved him over under a cloud of cigarette smoke. It was a usual site at such a restaurant, although Aiba’s memories of Kazama didn’t picture him as a smoker.
“You came right on time, how honest of you!” Kazama said, offering Aiba to sit across him. Once they settled, Kazama didn’t delay on shouting towards a waiter for an order of beers.
“I’m sorry to have called you out like this. I can’t imagine how busy you must be.” Kazama began between sips of beer.
“It’s not that bad…” Aiba tilted his head.
Kazama looked up from his drink a little strange. “Really? Would you say it has been worse?” Aiba pursed his lips doubtfully, unwilling to answer. “You were never the type to complain, were you?” Kazama chuckled.
Aiba found himself staring at Kazama. He didn’t know what to expect from his old friend after such a long time, and he was surprised to find him better than what he initially imagined. “If I’m not wrong, the last time I saw you, we were at that dinner party with the office.”
“That’s right,” said Kazama. “I thought I would drink with you back then, but you seemed pretty busy yourself with that new friend of yours.” Aiba wondered if he meant Jun. “I only got to see you by the very end, even though I served you a drink and all…”
A thought struck Aiba when he remembered his glass being full that night, although he had guessed it to be someone else. “…You did?”
“Yeah, it was no big deal.”
Aiba brushed the thought off his head. He had no reason to be thinking of him again. “You had me worried after you left the company. Have you found another job yet?” Aiba asked Kazama.
“If you call those midnight construction sites ‘a job’, then yeah, I guess I do.” Kazama said, with a hint of sarcasm that made Aiba regret bringing it up. He couldn’t say much in return but to apologize.
“Don’t worry about it so much, it’s my problem. Or rather… it serves me right, no?” He took a last hit from his cigarette before putting it out on the ash tray sitting between them, his cheerfulness fading along with the smoke.
“You wanted to talk to me about…?” Aiba stepped in quickly as to not discourage him.
Kazama paused as if considering something. “Before we get into that… I’ve been meaning to ask you about what happened a couple of days ago,” He said, only gaining a frown from Aiba. “About the director and you. They say you got in a tight spot with him the other day.”
“Oh…” Aiba’s look fell with the reminder. “You heard?”
“I have my connections. So…?” Kazama lay back on his chair. “Any idea why he hasn’t fired you yet?”
“He’s busy,” Aiba said. “I suppose… he thinks it’s a waste of time to deal with me right now, considering all the trouble I’ve already caused.”
“Oh please, that wasn’t you. Then again… Sakurai isn’t the most clever when it comes to pointing fingers.” Aiba couldn’t agree more. “But, it’s still strange… He didn’t waste any time when he got rid of me.”
“If I’m completely honest, a lot has been going around. I’m not even sure I would say the office has been the same lately.”
“Right… about that, I guess it’s about time I apologized,” Kazama straightened himself on his chair, setting down his cup before he looked straight at Aiba. “I may have made a mistake a while ago and… I’ve been meaning to say this honestly to you. Aiba… I am very sorry.” Kazama bowed his head to the other, leaving Aiba clueless as to why. “It’s been a while, but I had to come up to you myself, even though the others disagreed…”
“Others?” Aiba repeated, asking for a response.
“You see, Aiba… After I was fired from the company, I pretty much had nowhere to go. It’s tough out there to be unemployed and being fired by Sakurai Sho doesn’t exactly leave your credentials intact. I was pretty much getting nowhere and who knows where I would have ended up if it weren’t for these people. They contacted me not long after Sakurai kicked me out. I recognized some of them and it was easy to guess they had all been in the company before. In fact, we had all been fired by the same person. Meeting them was not a coincidence. As I got to know them I realized we all had something in common. None of us were treated fairly. They’ve been wronged by the company, just as I’d been. They asked for my help and I couldn’t agree more. Only problem was we made a mistake… and it got you involved,”
“What are you saying?” Aiba couldn’t help asking the more the other delayed.
“I guess you remember what happened with the elevator some time back.” Kazama said. Aiba’s gaze widened as what he feared became known. “We’re really sorry. We didn’t mean to get you stuck in there. I really wanted to get you out myself, but if word got out that someone had damaged the system, we would have been caught.”
“It was you.”
“I swear it was not our intention. Sakurai got away from us. We just didn’t think you would be in there too.”
“It was you,” Aiba repeated. “I saw you that morning, I remember. You were there… You’re not lying.”
“That’s why I needed to see you and apologize in person.”
“You said that ‘the others disagreed’. ‘Disagreed’ to what?” Aiba asked.
“They didn’t want me to tell you this, but they don’t know you as well as I do. I trust you. You’re my friend after all. Yet… I’m afraid I had to agree with a condition before I came here.” Aiba listened, a bad feeling growing in his stomach. “They said I could only tell you this if I asked for your help.”
“And what exactly am I supposed to help you with?” Aiba asked.
Kazama sighed. “Guess there’s no other nice way to say this but… we’re trying to get back on Sakurai for obvious reasons. Thing is, it’s kind of complicated when we can’t get into the office as regular employees anymore. It’s not much what we’re asking. We just need a couple of eyes and ears to tell us a way to get the damn guy. A flaw, perhaps a weakness. Anything that’ll get us into that bastard’s head.”
“And, under your colleagues’ criteria, what makes them think I should be helping you with any of that after they were the ones who got me involved?”
“You’re getting fired soon, no?” Kazama interjected. “It won’t be long until we’re on the same side. On top of that, you even got blamed for something someone else did. It’s a shame. Sakurai can’t even distinguish you as loyal employee even though all you do is work your butt off. It’s kind of frustrating, isn’t it? And you don’t even get a chance to speak back at him, even though it was all his mistake.”
“That’s very unlike you, Kazama,” Aiba commented. “To put words in my mouth.”
“So, you’re saying I’m wrong?”
Aiba didn’t respond and looked at the other, seeing his friend, but listening to a total stranger.
“Look, Aiba… I know you like playing the innocent, but you won’t get anything done if you don’t step up to this sort of things. He wronged you. You should feel angry for once!”
“I am angry, Kazama. More than what you can imagine. I just can’t tell who I’m most angry at right now.”
Kazama squinted his eyes at Aiba, noticing the look the latter shot him. Once he realized what was happening, he scoffed.
“You can’t be serious…”
“Dead.” Aiba quickly responded.
“After how he humiliated you? You’re really going to defend him? Instead of doing something for yourself?”
“I can’t accept your offer, Kazama. I’m truly sorry.” Aiba slightly bowed his head to the other as his final answer.
Kazama looked away, his chin falling on his hand, unable to bring himself to accept Masaki’s answer. “You know… I really overestimated you, Aibaka.” Kazama said. “I thought it would be easier to convince you. That you could tell right from wrong.”
“That’s exactly what I thought about you. But I guess we were both wrong,” said Aiba, gaining a look from Kazama that could only mean disappointment. This was not the first time someone looked at him that same way and Aiba couldn’t say he felt any more threatened now.
When Aiba decided he had heard enough, he immediately got on his feet. Excusing himself from his colleague, he walked out of the restaurant, putting an end to their meeting. Yet Kazama refused to leave his seat even after Masaki had left and took out his phone instead. He dialed a number and set the phone to his ear before the call was picked up from the other side almost right away.
“Hey, it’s me… … Yeah, I spoke to him. He just left… … You were right. It didn’t work… … No, no. I wouldn’t call it a waste of time… … I’m not too sure, but… there’s something peculiar about this. I’m don’t think I’m ready to let go of him just yet… … No, don’t worry. This is my problem. I’ll take care of it myself.”
~
Masaki couldn’t blink an eye that night, thinking he may have gone too far. He realized he felt sorry for talking back to Kazama, but he mostly regretted that he hadn’t said more. It was true Kazama’s words had left him with utter indignation, but perhaps he could have handled things differently as to not put himself on Kazama’s bad side. Who knew what sort of “contacts” he had in the office, watching everything that happened. Soon enough, Masaki was sure, he would lose Kazama’s trust completely.
While he sat at his desk the next morning, Aiba’s head had already slipped from his hand, almost surrendering to his tiredness. After many attempts on focusing back on his work, he acknowledged he couldn’t fight his weariness and decided he needed that second cup of coffee right about now.
It even took him a lot more effort than anticipated to get up from his desk. Luckily, Jun wasn’t present at his desk to witness his struggle. He headed lazily towards the break room with what little energy he had left, and just when he was about to go in, he was awakened by an unanticipated bump on his shoulder, shaking him enough to almost lose his balance.
He was about to complain of the pain but apologized right after realizing his negligence caused the secretary to drop the documents he carried. He kneeled to help Ohno pick up what he could reach, the other also sprinkling apologizes for the incident, probably just as asleep as Aiba was.
Aiba would have said it was all his fault, but his eyes had fixed elsewhere, by a document laying openly and invitingly in front of him. A title in bold. Underlined. Impossible to miss. Along with the large paragraph of lines it followed underneath that only took a glimpse to figure out.
When Ohno picked it up, Aiba’s sight followed the document until it was hidden under Ohno’s handful of papers. Ohno finally recovered and after a last small apology, he walked back into the director’s office. Aiba had not yet picked himself from the ground, thinking of the document Ohno carried away.
The lay-offs. It was the perfect scenario. Laying Aiba off and pretending it were all a coincidence to make himself look better. How much did Sakurai really think this through? Could he have been wrong to think of the director differently all this time? But that was just what he wanted, that praise, that stance of authority. It was always what Sakurai craved the most. Someone to make an example out of. And that was exactly what he was reduced to.
Caught up in his own thoughts, Aiba walked into the break room without noticing the coffee machine was occupied by none other than his cubicle neighbor, just in time to make him regret his decision right away. Jun exchanged a look with Aiba who already looked regretful after walking in. Yet Aiba didn’t know if he should’ve proceeded or turned away, knowing he would only be a bother to Jun if he waited for him to finish.
“S-Sorry,” Aiba gives him a small look before turning himself around.
“Aiba,” Jun calls him back before he could disappear out the door, although Aiba really wished he had the guts to leave. Instead, Aiba waited a second to gather his strength before facing him again. Jun seemed at a loss for words himself, realizing he hadn’t thought this far ahead before calling him. He leaves the silence to do most of the talking before he starts to utter. “Do you… want some coffee?”
It wasn’t much of an excuse, and regardless of how uneasy either of them felt already, Aiba accepted more by manners than by desire.
Jun helped serve him a cup, but just standing near him in such a cluttered excuse of a break room was unbearable. Aiba doubted his “Thanks” made it any better. Neither of them wanted to make the next move, although they knew whose turn it was.
“Listen, I…” Jun began, struggling to find the right words. “Can we… talk for a bit? In private?”
~
“You must think I’m an asshole. And… I clearly deserve it.” Jun began once they came out to the terrace, his words hurting Aiba more than he thought they did.
“Don’t say that,” Aiba approached him, inching towards Jun on the bench. “I would never think that way about you.”
“Yeah… I guess I missed seeing that sooner.” Jun’s look fell. “I took advantage of you. It was wrong. I thought I understood you, but… I was only lying to myself. I shouldn’t have done what I did,”
“You don’t have to beat yourself up about it, Jun. I didn’t exactly stop you right away either.”
“But I was supposed to be helping you… and I only made you uncomfortable. Then I acted like a total jerk… I really blew it, didn’t I?”
Jun felt a touch of a hand on his that brought his self-loathing to a halt when he found Masaki’s eyes desperately looking for his.
“Jun, I don’t hate you,” Masaki said firmly. “You shouldn’t have any more reason to hate yourself.”
Although his eyes overwhelmed with a guilty feeling, Masaki felt Jun ease just a little with his words, comforted by the warm touch of his hands and at the same time surprised, thinking he would have never feel his touch again after what he did.
“Was I too late?” Jun fearlessly asked, gaining a pitiful look from Aiba.
“Too soon.” Aiba responded. Jun nodded acknowledging while Masaki’s grip tightened on Jun’s hand apologetically. “But I don’t want to think about it anymore. I just… I could really use my friend back.”
There was only but a small smile on Jun’s lips that was enough to make Masaki feel secure again.
“Me too,” said Jun, admitting he’d remained ignorant for far too long.
“Then… would it be selfish if I made use of him right now?” Aiba asked gaining a frown from the younger. “It’ll kill me if I keep this to myself and honestly… I don’t know if I want to.”
“What is it?” Jun asked, feeling Masaki’s hand growing sweaty before they retrieved.
“I’m… going to be laid off.” Aiba said taking Jun aback. “I saw the report by accident. I didn’t mean to look but… my name was in there,”
“Are you sure it was you?” Jun asked.
“Yes. There is only one Aiba Masaki in the whole floor and that list was meant for our department. There’s no other explanation.”
Jun took a breath to recollect himself before asking the inevitable. “Was my name in there too?”
Aiba was about to answer when he cut himself off. He wanted to assure Jun he had nothing to worry about, but he’d almost forgotten Jun carried as much guilt in Sakurai’s eyes as he did. It wouldn’t be strange at all if his name would have been found further on those same papers.
“I don’t know…” Was all Aiba could answer and it didn’t help much to hearten Jun’s anxiety. “I really hope not. It’s the last thing you deserve.”
“Not more than you.” Jun said and Aiba had no reason to prove him wrong. “What are you going to do?”
“Put on my best face and… hope it’s not sooner rather than later,” said Aiba. “It’s the only thing I know how to do.”
Seeing Aiba had made up his mind, Jun did not debate him.
When the two had gotten into the elevator to return to work, Jun asked suddenly. “Why didn’t you stop me right away?” Masaki looked at him puzzled. “From kissing you,” Jun clarified.
“I was looking for something,” Aiba answered timidly, choosing his word carefully as to not hurt Jun’s feelings any further. “I wanted to know what I would find if I did.”
“What did you find?”
Aiba smiled to himself due to the dwelling innocence Jun’s words always carried. “Someone asking me far more than what I could give them.”
~
It was the end of the day in what could be his last, but Aiba tried to not let it discourage him. He’d been anticipating it and it was only a matter of time before he would see it come true. Yet, he admitted, having to come with terms with it seemed easier at first. At least for now he could go home knowing he got through this day.
Masaki froze, stepping back immediately after attempting to enter the elevator, yet inevitably Sakurai had already taken notice of him. His eyes glancing over Aiba felt like the reminder of their last encounter and Aiba instantly looked away.
“I-I’m so sorry, sir. I’ll wait for the next one.” Aiba slightly bowed his head, wishing the elevator doors would close faster, but just when they were about to, Sakurai’s hand stopped them in time.
Aiba’s gaze raised timidly, wondering if this meant he had something he’d forgotten to say, and it was only worth saying now. Perhaps his anger hadn’t washed away and Aiba had just gotten himself in more trouble for whatever the reason. Aiba waited for anything, but Sakurai only took his time, making his wait a lot more unbearable. Aiba felt afraid again.
“Get in.” Sakurai uttered. It wasn’t a courtesy or a suggestion. It was a command. Something Aiba very much wished against.
“But-”
“I said… get in.” Sakurai cuts him off and makes way for Masaki to step inside.
Masaki wondered why it had to come to this. Why would he take advantage of his vulnerability and intimidate him this way? As if he knew just how much he could manipulate him for who he was. Aiba realized, it wasn’t frightening at all, it wasn’t fear what he felt. It was anger. Irritation. The sole presence of Sakurai turning up at each corner was just annoying. Why did he always have to obey someone like him? Why couldn’t he deny him for once? How did he know Aiba couldn’t fight him back?
Aiba made no further comment. He stepped in and stood nearest to the door where all he could face was the control panel and gave his back to Sakurai. If he at least couldn’t see him, he could pretend he were riding the elevator on his own and eventually, his exasperation would go away. Instead, Sakurai seemed to have other plans.
There have only passed seconds when Sakurai cleared his throat. “I don’t find these circumstances to be inappropriate to say… I’ve been meaning to speak with you… If you don’t mind,”
Aiba minded. He minded very much. It was the end of the day and the last thing he needed to hear was another complaint from Sakurai.
“I believe there has been a misunderstanding between us,” Sakurai said. Masaki frowned at that although the other couldn’t see him. Indeed, there have been a ‘misunderstanding’ but ‘us’ counted for a lot of people. “I’ve… judged you wrong… I hope you can excuse me for… handling things that way. I know now it was not your fault to take, but it would have been easier if you would have told me the truth instead.”
So Ohno had told him after all. But was this his idea of making things better or Ohno’s? Judging by how forced Sakurai words seemed, he decided on the latter.
“If you wouldn’t have decided to take the blame, none of this would have happened.” Sakurai said and Aiba had to roll his eyes. This still didn’t seem like a good excuse to not fire him. If Aiba was honest, it almost sounded like mockery to him. “But, what I’m trying to say…” Sakurai sighed. The words he wanted were harder to come across than Aiba’s chance of arriving at the lobby. “It was… my bad.”
Aiba would admit saying “sorry” would have come out a lot better if only Sakurai would really mean it. Instead, his words had made it sound even worse, contributing to Aiba’s distrust of him. How much, Aiba wondered, was he going to keep making a fool out of him?
“It is nothing personal… believe me.” Sakurai dared to say next, and it spent Aiba’s patience.
Aiba did not return him a single look or word, and instead braced himself for the opening of the elevator doors once they finally arrived at the lobby. His feet wanted to sprint, but he made himself look as if he was casually ignoring Sakurai’s words entirely. They were all lies anyway. He was ready to walk out and leave Sakurai behind, if it wasn’t for what caught his attention in the middle of the lobby.
Nino was expecting him, waiting for Aiba to come down, but it was not him who Nino’s attention was turned to. The latter looked at someone else. His eyes glistening engrossingly. And he smiled, deeply and earnestly. With a small reveal of teeth Aiba recognized he always showed to him, this time directed towards another. And it all shifted, because the next second, Nino had leaned forward to capture their lips. Whom Aiba had initially thought a stranger next to Nino he now identified as Ohno. And Nino kissed him. And kept kissing him. And not for a second did Aiba see Ohno protest. And Ninomiya’s words came barging in again, making sense now more than ever. But it wasn’t just Nino, it was Ohno’s promise Aiba remembered as well.
The next second, Aiba’s fingered rammed on the elevator’s door to shut again, blocking the sight towards the lobby and hopefully, obstructing Sakurai’s vision just in time before he could walk out.
Aiba sighed heavily, his head banged against the wall. Stupid! He thought to himself. Nino you stupid…!
“Excuse me?”
Masaki was snapped back to the inside of the elevator by Sakurai’s voice. His eyes widen when he remembered he was still there.
“What are you…?”
Aiba had no choice but to turn towards Sakurai this time, no matter how much he wished he could stay avoiding his gaze, he would surely insist on an explanation now.
“I-I…” He panicked. Nothing came to mind. “I needed to speak with you… I-I mean, you wanted to speak with me, no, sir?”
Sakurai blinked several times. “Um… Yes, but I already said what I needed to. Would open the door?”
Aiba’s body blocked the control panel. “I-I’ve just remembered! I forgot something at the office.”
“You’re perfectly capable of going back on your own-”
“I-It’s very urgent, sir!”
“Step aside, please.”
Aiba persisted, not giving in to his order, even if it cost him his job. Not even when Sakurai sighed exhaustedly and reached his way to the control panel only to be stopped by Aiba’s hand quickly preventing him from going any further. Though, it took Aiba more than a second to realize what he’d just done.
While it was inevitable that their gazes would encounter, the flustered look in Sakurai made Aiba curse in his head. He began to feel his hands growing sweaty, or was it Sakurai’s? He couldn’t tell anymore. His touch was indescribable, but it was enough to make his heart rate increase the more the silence spread between them. It was not until Sakurai came to his senses that he quickly drew his hand away, hiding it behind him with a slight quiver.
Sakurai cleared his throat with difficulty, looking everywhere but at Aiba. He did not have to repeat himself before Aiba was pressing on the doors to open them once again, and with a quick bow he turned away and walked as quickly as he could towards Nino, Aiba’s cheeks violently burning with embarrassment.
~
The burst of Nino’s laugh could be heard across the restaurant, accentuating Aiba’s pleas for the earth to swallow him whole.
“Are you done?” Aiba asked him unamused. It took the younger several minutes to recollect himself and dry the tears his whole-hearted laughter had provoked, overlooking Aiba’s misery.
“You held his hand!” Nino kept repeating. “You held his freaking hand!”
Aiba ignored his constant reminder, especially when he felt the look of a certain secretary sitting silently by the younger’s side, trying to make himself invisible behind his drink as he found the situation as uncomfortable as Aiba had. When Aiba attempted to meet eyes with him, Ohno quickly looked away.
“I have to admit, you still have some guts in you!” Nino commented.
“Well… I wouldn’t have done it in the first place if you two wouldn’t have been so obvious!” Aiba complained to divert their conversation. “I thought you said you were trying to keep things secret.”
“We were,” Ohno’s voice suddenly stepped in, shooting a look towards Nino.
“What are you blaming me for? Don’t act as if you didn’t kiss me back!” Ohno’s elbow was shoved on Nino’s side as a warning look from the older forced Nino to take his word back. “Fine. I’m sorry.” He rolled his eyes.
Aiba was not only impressed but stunned at the younger’s behavior with his partner as he knew he would never get a better apology from Nino.
“So…?” Aiba straightened up in his chair inspecting the couple sitting across him, although they pretended to be as apart as possible. “Aren’t you going to…?” Aiba gestured towards Ohno.
Ninomiya groaned. “Do you really have to?”
“Would be rude if I didn’t,” Aiba responded, which only worked to bore Nino even more. “When did you guys get together exactly?”
“A couple of months,” Both friends turned towards Ohno who had decided to take word in Nino’s stead.
“And you made the first approach I suppose?” Aiba carried on before Nino could complain. “He was who you spoke about, no? At the party?”
“Y-Yes,” said Ohno with just a hint of color in his cheeks. “I admit it was complicated at first, but he responded quite well! Though I seriously couldn’t have done it without your advice.”
“Is that so? I’m so happy for you both!”
Ohno thanked him bashfully while Nino could only follow their conversation with a frowning expression.
“Although, if I would have known it was Nino before, I could have given you a different sort of advice.”
“Seriously?” interjected Nino.
Aiba decided to ignore the younger and leaned over the table as he invited Ohno to do the same. “I know he may seem a little… difficult at times,” Aiba whispered. “But I assure you he really is a hopeless romantic.”
“I can hear you. I am literally sitting right in front of you.”
“He is really sensitive about it, though, so I wouldn’t suggest you mention it.” Aiba added while Ohno nodded knowingly.
“Alright, enough conspiring between you two,” Nino stepped in. “I would appreciate if you wouldn’t gossip about me with my boyfriend. It’s weird.”
“Well, it’s not as weird as it is for me, considering your dating my boss. At least it’s nice to have something in common with him for once.”
“Yeah, well I don’t go texting Anon things about you, so knock it off.” Nino spit, taking Aiba aback. The latter was about to talk back before he realized he’d lost the words that stood on the tip of his tongue. Instead he decided to keep it to himself. “What? Too soon?” Nino asked, observing the other’s reaction.
“You didn’t have to bring him up so suddenly.”
“Yeah… my bad.”
Aiba’s look had fallen distractingly over the table as Nino realized it had been a bad idea to mention him after all.
“You haven’t looked at his messages, have you?” Nino asked. Ohno couldn’t help but stare oddly at Aiba’s mood swing.
Aiba shook his head.
“You think he’ll stop if you turn your back on him?”
“I’m not sure…”
“Maybe you should make amends,” Nino’s suggestion gained a surprised look from Aiba. “Why don’t you talk things out with him? It must have been tough for both of you to end things this way. I think you should have an honest talk for once.” Nino took a swig from his beer as he let the words sink in to Aiba. “As long as you don’t fall for his lies I mean,” Nino added.
Aiba was mid thought when he realized Ohno’s presence still among them and perhaps too late. “Are you sure we should be discussing this right now?” Aiba asked in a lower tone, while Ohno tried to make himself as detached from their conversation as he could.
“It’s fine. He knows.”
“What!?”
“I may or may not have told him something, so? It’s no big deal.”
“Except that he’s my superior, Nino! If word got out about this...”
“It’s fine, Aiba. He won’t say a thing to Sakurai, if that’s what you’re worried about. Right, Satoshi?” Ohno snapped back from a thought when he’d suddenly heard Nino calling his name. “You won’t say a word.” Nino repeated.
Ohno managed a nod as a possibly too meditated response. Although not feeling close to convinced, Aiba had no other choice but to trust Ohno was as quiet around the director as he was around them. Yet the thought of him being so close to Sakurai gave him no chance of knowing when things could reach unwanted ears, so his restlessness was all but overstated.
~
“Aiba?” Ohno approached him at the door, going ahead of Nino who had retreated to the restroom. “I hope this doesn’t have to come between us. In the office, I mean,” said Ohno. He’d finally managed to pull off a full sentence but only when Nino wasn’t around them.
“I hope so too, um… sir.”
“Just Ohno is fine.”
Nino didn’t seem to be coming back yet so Aiba carried on. “I was being honest when I said it before, that I’m glad everything worked out. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Nino so comfortable around anyone else before. He looked really… happy.”
“You think so?” Ohno questioned, although there was a smile in his lips that confirmed it as well. “This is the first time he’s done something like this for me.”
“Like what?”
“Ask me to meet his friend, be so open about us, or even… calling me his boyfriend,” The trace of Ohno’s smile widened until a small chuckle escaped him. “He is very unpredictable.”
There was so much Aiba would have thought of saying if he would have just been able to, but no matter how much he wanted to see Ohno or even Nino as they were now, Aiba understood there was only so much he could take. He realized this probably made him a most selfish person, but Nino, more than anyone, would understand it if he felt envious of their happiness. Not because of any sort of second thoughts, but from the desire of their status.
If he would have only insisted more with Anon, who knew if he would be the one introducing someone to Ninomiya that night. If Anon would’ve had the courage to show himself to Aiba from the start, who knew if they would have been going on a conjoined date with Nino and Ohno by now. It was all but a mass of ‘What if’s that, as far as Aiba could tell, would never be so.
~
Friday 8:23PM
‘I should have been honest from the start, but you must
know how much of a fool I am and continue to be if I ever
think you’re going to pay the least bit of attention to me now.
Still, I won’t hold back to say this.’
‘I never wanted you to know who I was. I told you I wasn’t
ready thinking you would eventually forget and accept me
for me rather than what I looked like. I was obviously wrong
and incredibly stupid to think that way once. But that was back
when I thought you wouldn’t care of who I was in the first place.
It’s about time I apologize. I am so very sorry.’
Friday 12:55PM
‘You wouldn’t accept me, I made that decision by myself. I also
wouldn’t accept me. I wanted to save you the trouble and still
asked for you to trust me. I was a hypocrite. Or rather, I am.’
‘Still no matter what I did or said, you believed me. You listened to me.
For more than anyone I’ve ever known, you were truthful to me.
I couldn’t help but feel like a villain for thinking I had been fooling
you all this time. And somehow, I don’t know how, you managed to
change me. And I changed my mind for you.’
Saturday 11:17PM
‘I went to the terrace that night. You weren’t there.
Maybe I was too late. Maybe I’ve tired you enough and you decided
to forget me finally. I wouldn’t blame you in the least. But believe me
a last time when I say I was there. And I stayed there the whole night,
imagining that perhaps you could come back at any moment. After all,
you promised you would be there. But I realized I couldn’t keep abusing
your patience. I was too late, wasn’t I?’
‘Don’t answer that.’
Sunday 6:20PM
‘I am sorry. I will keep saying it each passing day until I can
forgive myself. I don’t see that coming any time soon. I just
wish I could do so many things over, maybe that would take
me back to the very first time I decided to talk to you. I would
have stopped myself, believe me.’’
Monday 7:27PM
‘If there is something I ever learned from you is that I
wouldn’t have taken you. If I really did love you, I shouldn’t
have hurt you. I should have stepped away, I should have
left you be as I had done all these past years. I shouldn’t have
damaged you the way I did. I should have forgotten you after all.’
Tuesday 11:03AM
‘I’m starting to wonder if you’ve blocked me from your contacts.’
‘You should. Honestly. Maybe it’ll keep me away from
bothering you anymore.’
Wednesday 11:12AM
‘It’s stupid, but I keep coming back here just to see you’ve
read my messages.’
‘I am pathetic. But I can’t stop wondering about you.’
‘I’m worried.’
Wednesday 10:45PM
‘I don’t have the right to ask for a sign to know you are okay.
But even if you yell at me again, even if you want to hurt me,
let me know I haven’t hurt you. Even if you must lie, I just want
to hear you.’
‘Please, Masaki.’
Masaki went through his texts each night with a pain engraving deeper as a new one never missed to come every single day. Yet again tonight, he had nothing to say. He didn’t want to fall into the trap that Anon’s words lead into. No matter how much it hurt him to ignore him for so long, he wasn’t ready. And neither was Anon, thought Masaki.
Masaki set his phone down finally, but not before re-activating his notifications for their chatroom, so when the time came for Anon to be ready, he would make sure to be as well.
~
Following the meeting he had to get through that morning, Aiba arrived at an unusual time at the office. Setting down his things on his desk with an unenthusiastic sigh never hurt so much, knowing the work he still had to get through before he could take his lunch break with some peace of mind. And even if he tried to engage in work or even start, the initial thought of food had trapped him into not thinking at all. He was about to comment to his cubicle neighbor when his words were cut on the tip of his tongue.
It was not just his chair that was empty, his desktop screen was shut off, his keyboard and mouse put away. His books, his supplies, even his miniature bonsai, it had all disappeared. He quickly scanned the room, the panic started to pound when he found no sight of him. And his mind flew to a deeper thought, to the list of the lay-offs he’d barely glanced at. Jun’s countless discussions with the director. Jun’s initial fear now turning into his own.
The moment he spotted Ohno walking past their aisle of desks, Masaki didn’t delay another second and ran to him.
“Ohno!” Aiba’s call was enough to make the older stop only to be surprised by the other’s agitation as he gripped Ohno’s arms shaking. “Where is Jun?”
“Um…” Ohno gazed at the empty desk where the one in question would usually be at.
“Why isn’t he here!?”
“Didn’t he just leave?” asked Ohno.
“Where? Where did he go!?”
Ohno stuttered as he tried to recollect his thoughts. “C-Consumer affairs. Twelfth floor?”
Aiba didn’t need to hear another word before he sprinted to the elevators, but no matter the amount of times he called for it, he decided to take the emergency stairs. Although he began to regret it halfway, a few flights of stairs were nothing to compared to the things Aiba started to imagine happening. Why Jun? He couldn’t help repeating to himself, almost out of breath. Why did it have to be Jun?
But just like Ohno had said, he was there, by the twelfth floor’s reception, carrying a box with his belongings, very much like the first day Aiba had met him.
And even when he was out of breath, his voice still carried out a call as forcefully as it could. “Jun!”
It took a full second before the other could turn to the source of Aiba’s voice, freezing in place, astonished by the sight of the other. When their gazes exchanged, everything around them seemed to stop, except Aiba still panted wearily and Jun felt his heart race the more he acknowledged Aiba had come after all.
Momentarily, Jun seemed to turn away hurtfully, unknowing of how to react, when he finally decides to set his belongings aside and walk hesitantly to Aiba, unable to meet gazes with him again, or not until he stood barely feet away.
“Hey…” Jun is struggling with words, mostly because he could see the anger in Aiba’s eyes.
“What are you doing here?” Aiba spoke with frustration. It was a sight Jun hadn’t seen from him before. He understood now, he’d messed up. “I got to the office and your desk… I was so scared! Why the hell did you go!? I thought the worst had happened to you! I thought… I thought I wouldn’t see you again.” Aiba’s words became heavy as he struggled to explain.
“I’m sorry,” Jun said, seeing how much he’d made the other worry. “Guess I wanted to surprise you.”
Aiba wanted to insult him but his sudden panic had caused for his eyes to water although he refused to show it.
“I sort of messed up.” The younger began. “I got a notice from my supervisors this morning, they were going through my evaluations and… I didn’t make it.” Jun sighed. “My probational period… I didn’t meet with their standards so… they decided on sending me back to my old department. I tried everything I could to convince them on letting me stay a little longer, and it may have worked for some time but… it wasn’t enough, so… Here I am.”
Aiba sighed, his initial shock driving away as he could finally stop imagining Jun’s dismissal.
“I thought you weren’t coming in today, so I figured I could spare telling you. Realized it wasn’t my best idea.” Jun chuckles nervously before his smile shies down. “Are you mad?”
Aiba gazes at him with pursed lips. No matter how much he wanted to say, he simply shook his head.
Jun tried to hold himself back, but he couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped his lips at just the sight of Aiba. The sound of his laugh suddenly reminded Aiba how much he missed his smile, strong enough to manage a smile out of Aiba’s own lips.
“Did you run all the way here?” Jun asks him.
“I thought it would be faster.”
“I have to say… I’m flattered. Really.” Jun’s eyes are glistening as they manage to capture Aiba in their piercing gaze. “I hope I didn’t cause too much trouble.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Said Aiba. “Still… you weren’t even going to say goodbye?”
“I don’t need to. I know it’s a couple of floors apart but, we can still see each other from time to time, no?”
“You promise?”
Jun nodded.
They both chuckled again before Jun’s smile faded. “It’s been pretty tough, these past few months, but I don’t think I regret a second of it.” Caught up in his momentary silence, Aiba could only agree to himself. “Aiba…” Jun made the other look at him again. “That I could spend all this time with you, has made everything else worth it. Truly… I’m glad I met you.”
The instant Jun’s body closed the gap between them and he felt him lean in, Masaki flinched momentarily, making Jun pause to assure him there was nothing to worry about as he guided his lips to leave a small and gentle kiss on Masaki’s cheek. The contact to his skin made Masaki’s face violently color.
Jun smiled at the sight of Aiba’s flush as he pulled away, but his smile faded just as quickly. “He is very lucky,” Jun couldn’t help but say to break their silence. Masaki stares back at him blankly. “The guy you like,” Jun clarified. “He is very lucky. I hope he realizes that.”
With a last look, Jun turns away, ready to leave Aiba behind before he recognized Aiba’s voice once again.
“Jun!” When he captures the attention of the younger, a million thoughts passed through his head, but the only prominent one came to his lips. “You still owe me those drinks!”
Jun appeared lost for a long second before the reminder hit him, smiling at the other as a sign that he would keep that promise.
~
The day had come and gone slowly and quietly, but almost ironically, Aiba couldn’t concentrate. His mind kept going back and forth, finding Jun’s empty desk beside him and his phone staring back at him. There was nothing he could do about Jun’s old desk, yet surely, there was still something he should have done a while ago. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be late to do so now.
After gathering his things to return home, Aiba took his time before exiting the office to contemplate his chatroom with Anon once again. His eyes traced over the text of Anon’s last ignored messages before he decided on the words that would help him begin. As he left his desk and walked towards the elevators, he typed.
‘You didn’t write a message yesterday. Are you
planning on not writing one today as well?’
‘What am I saying? You must have grown tired
of me already. And if not me, my ignorance.’
‘I was only meaning to see how further it would
go on. If I’ve hurt your feelings, I’m sorry.’
Aiba pause, watching one elevator leave after another. There was no hurry to get home like the eagerness he felt to get his feeling across. He waited until the words came on their own.
‘Is it strange to say that I miss you? It probably is, but
I don’t know how else to greet you. I suppose that means
I have no shame to be writing like this now. I didn’t even wait
for the end of the day to do it. I suppose
I’ve made you wait long enough.’
‘Is it better this way, Anon? Forget each other and
move on? Is there no other alternative?’
‘Who am I kidding? If you didn’t do it in the past there is
no reason I should think you’ll do it now. You said it yourself.
It was never your intention for me to insist on who you were,
but you really were an idiot to think I wouldn’t care or…
that I wouldn’t fall in love with you.’
Aiba steps up to call the elevator this time and waits on his own.
‘I wonder why yet and yet again I chose you over
everyone else. It’s like I haven’t learned a thing, like I have no
remorse when, honestly, I really wish you would have fought
for me more.’
‘When you were angry, I couldn’t recognize you and I felt
scared of losing you. What I felt then hasn’t really gone away,
it has only evolved. After reading your messages, it has softened,
shaped into a new kind of sentiment. Sort of like the kind you would get
if you had to say good bye to a close friend. Even worse…
when you have to break up with someone. And honestly,
I’m sick of being the one who has to end everything.’
The elevator arrived, and he stepped in, selecting the lobby, and sinking against the back of the empty elevator.
‘Since when does this have to be another break up?
Why is it me who’s always taking that step first?
I wonder if I’m running away. I don’t want to do it,
so I ask myself, do I even have to?’
The elevator doors stop abruptly and open again, but why should Aiba feel surprised anymore? Whom other than Sakurai would be stealing the comfort of his elevator? At this time of the evening, Aiba has no willingness to shoot him a stare and sort of accepts the fact that he wouldn’t be riding the elevator on his own after all.
Aiba’s “Good evening,” resolves as a sign for Sakurai to step in, although he had no reason to hesitate considering the times he’d made Aiba do the same. The director doesn’t return his greeting and turns his back to him instead. Aiba takes it he was not in the mood for chatter, so he gladly returned to his phone.
‘Truth is, I was really angry too, but I shouldn’t have taken
it out on you that way. I must have said very hurtful things.
I guess that is one thing I am willing to forget. Honestly,
I wish I could stop thinking at all. Thinking things
over and over never got me anywhere.’
The short ringing of a phone makes Aiba raise his sight, yet the other makes no effort to attend it. With just a glimpse, he could tell Sakurai looked tense. Did this mean he was mad? And if Sakurai were mad at him, why would he bother to share the elevator this time? Aiba sees no point in wasting his energy on him so he returned to his phone.
‘The truth only helped to dig me deeper in doubt. It never
made me happy. Then, am I supposed to tell myself it’s okay,
that I don’t need to know everything and move on?’
Another ring. He ignores it the same.
‘If that is the condition of your company, maybe I would be
willing to risk it again. I’ve been thinking now, if I’ve gotten
this far ahead with such great memories, maybe risking
myself for you wasn’t so bad after all.’
‘Right?’
This time the consecutive rings interrupted Masaki’s thoughts, when Sakurai finally decided to pay heed to his phone. He felt his coat and pockets eagerly, and when he finds it in his back pocket, he does little more than mute his phone before he puts it away again. Aiba’s eyes were glued on him, catching but a glimpse of his phone as he refused to answer it in Aiba’s presence. Why would he even bother to let it ring? Masaki thought to himself, the sole actions of the other enough to irritate him and break his concentration.
He is about to return to his typing when he finds the last messages he’d sent staring back at him. His fingers wavering over the keyboard, taken away from all thought when his eyes trace back to the one before him. The elevator rumbles as it approaches the lobby, and Masaki’s attention had left his phone. He wonders if he’ll hear it again. He waits for it to happen, and when it doesn’t he took his chances. The word came freely, purposely, and slightly hesitant.
‘Anon?’
There is but a subtle indication of a vibration that the other made no effort to attend. If only, they did nothing more than stir something in Aiba’s chest when he refused. And Aiba was willing to prove it again, if it only meant having to exit his chatroom to dial a phone number instead. There is a moment of relief, a breather, or the knowing of a false alarm when he hears nothing. But then it came, the presumed arrival of a phone call that turned everything else inaudible.
The other takes the vibrating phone from his pocket to look at his caller before letting his hand fall on his side and doesn’t look at it again. He lets it throb repeatedly and hysterically, detaching himself from its sound, knowing it would only be in vain to stop it. The call is finally missed. When the elevator came to a halt, Sakurai’s gaze encountered Masaki’s, and everything became still.
In the core of the bristling hair on Masaki’s skin, the familiarity of his touch burns. His mouth dries with the remains of a distant feeling of another against his lips as he recognizes the shape of them on his own. If he stepped any closer, the striking scent of a cologne printed in his memory would find him. It was no stranger but a stranger all the same. Before he could stop it all from coming back to him, the throbbing in his chest said it all.
Sakurai’s gaze fell, apprehended under Masaki’s blurry sight as the latter waited for an answer, if any. But now, just as always, he is rejected, shunned away, and denied from his voice. Like a coward hiding under his own shadow, only this time he couldn’t escape from Masaki anymore.
When the elevator opens, Masaki stormed out, avoiding Sakurai’s eyes following him as he did.
“Wait…” Aiba realizes he is trailing behind him and he tries to escape. “Masaki… Please!” Sakurai grabbed on his arm, making him come to a halt.
“Don’t touch me!” Masaki snapped, shoving Sakurai’s hand away.
“Please, Masaki… Let me explain-” Before the other is finished, his words were taken away by a blow lashing across Sakurai’s face, pronouncing a shade of red that matched the one in Aiba’s hand. The commotion didn’t go unnoticed by the bystanders in the reception as some even had stopped to stare.
“Don’t call me by my name,” Masaki fumed with a shuddering breath. “Don’t you dare pretend you can!”
“Please… listen to me…” Sakurai insisted in a low voice, trying to avoid bringing more attention on himself. “I’m sorry…” His voice was cut when the words got stuck in his throat. “There was no other way-”
Aiba scoffed in disbelief, his anger getting the best of him. “No other way? So, you decided it was best to stay a coward? It was easier for you to lie to me and manipulate everything and everyone to get to me? How could you!? I gave you my thrust! I gave you a chance and I swore I would accept you no matter what, but you… Why does it have to be you?” Masaki’s tears had begun to stream down his face. “Why is it… you?”
Sakurai could only stare at the other with hurt, unable to utter an answer for him, afraid he had lost him completely. But seeing Masaki breaking before him made him long to touch him and to stop his tears.
“Please…” Sakurai’s shaking voice pleaded, trying to close the distance between them when Masaki took a step back, not allowing him to move any closer.
“Get the hell away from me,” Aiba’s words paralyzed him as Aiba slipped away from his reach, turning his back to him, and walking away.
Sakurai stared at Masaki’s back as he walked out of the building and disappeared through the glass doors. The people that had stopped finally walked away, avoiding the man who had seemed to fall apart in the middle of the reception.
A/N: End of Chapter 9. How many of you knew it? This story is still not over. Thanks for reading~!
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Though a really hard time is waiting for Sho haha do your best Sho!
Thank you for writing this 🖤 I am so eagerly waiting for another chapter (´｡• ω •｡`) ♡
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Thanks for reading and commenting~!
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Thank you for sharing! I'm going to re-read this chapter again just because my SA bby ;;;;;;;;;
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Tbh, I did think that Aiba will lose it at one point. He endured a lot and it's understandable for him to 'explode' like that, what more when he feel he had disappointed two of his closest friends. He probably didn't mind it anymore if he's going to be fired from the company after punching the director since things already turn out this way. What I didn't expect tho is for him to defend the director (well, Sho) until that far even after being humiliated like that. He's...such a real sweetheart. If Sho really wants him, Sho better fight for Aiba with all he has.
Did Sho really went to the terrace that night to see Aiba? Does he really has his own reason to hide his identity or he's just simply scared with Aiba's reaction? And why Aiba out of all people? There must something in Aiba that attracted him. I don't know why, but I think Sho didn't have intention to hurt Aiba on the first place. He's just either too thickheaded when it comes to feelings or he doesn't have a choice if he wants to protect themselves. Ohno probably knows about it...
Nino is such a kind friend T_T I noticed he had something with Ohno at one point since both of them acting weird and disappeared at the same time, but for him to be in love with Aiba and keep it in silence for that long...it's sad. But thankfully he has Ohno with him now :) And now he and Aiba are getting along again like they were used too ^^ Didn't expect Nino himself will tell Aiba to talk properly with Anon after what'd happen tho...
You have no idea how excited I am to read the new chapter every week. I can't say it enough just how much I love this story that I can't help from dropping long comment each time XD Thank You SOOOO much for sharing as usual <3 <3 <3
It's getting closer with the end...I would be missing this story when it's over :'(
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Lol, Sakurai did act like some teenager trying to keep it cool. It's cute to think of him that way considering how mean he is as a boss.
Regardless of all, Aiba is still remaining strong. His defending others is one of his many talents and charms that defending Sakurai almost comes involuntarily, no matter what may have happened. Or perhaps there is a deeper explanation to be seen? Maybe we'll see some more answers later on.
Nino's confession to Aiba has thankfully helped him to get over many things at that moment, so he could finally admit that he was happy to find love again and somehow wanted Aiba to do the same.
Thank you for your long comments, they are very lovely to read ^-^
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First of all, let's talk about Nino. Poor guy, he was in love with Aiba but kept his feelings hidden for the sake of their friendship. I feel so sorry for him and I can understand why Aiba needed to hug him at some point, because not realizing that his best friend had been in love with you for all this time is both shocking and painful I bet. But, fortunately, now Nino has someone who can cherish him and his feelings~
Now, about Kazapon. I'm afraid if he and the "others" have something in mind and will involve Aiba even more. After all, now that Aiba is fed up with Sho, everything can happen. Even though I really hope that he won't do anything stupid (Aiba, be careful. I'm watching you).
And now, Sho. Let's say that I had that feeling deep inside me since Ohno prepared Sho's coffee with milk, just like Anon likes, and then it just kept on increasing more. Like when they were both at the office late at night, or when Aiba messed up but still wasn't fired and even got an apology from him. But still, since you made my brain insane, if I won't have Sho properly talking about him being Anon, there is still that 0.1% that the truth is different. I'm sorry Araari, but I don't trust you (lol).
I knew that Anon would have gone that night on the terrace, too bad that Nino had taken Aiba away before they could met. But, maybe it was better like this. Now, I can't wait for the next chapter! That would be even more of an emotional roller coaster...My heart is tired *sigh*. Okay, I wrote even too much, I have to stop fangirling in the comment section hahah.
Thanks for this! See you on the next! <33
Edit because I always have to forget something: I didn't talk about Jun! Okay so: I'm so happy that between him and Aiba everything is good now. I bet they can be really good friends~ (And yes, Jun is right. The guy whom Aiba likes is really lucky).
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Indeed it must be quite painful to realize your friend had been hiding all those feelings from you. Aiba couldn't help but feel guilty for hurting Nino, but they've made amends once more.
Keep an eye on Aiba. You never know...
Lol the coffee gave it away? It's fine if you don't trust me though. I didn't make you sign a contract when you came in here so, at this point, anything could happen!
I hope your heart is ready for the new chap. I don't mind if you fangirl at all, I'm having too much fun.
And Jun is such a sweaty, right?
Thanks for reading and commenting~!
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And i knew kazama was behind the elevator tragedy too!
I cant believe aiba said those hurt things to sakurai like that.i think sho want to protect aiba too...because the director knows he is in danger. And of course, lack of confidence
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Aiba was indeed furious and discovering Anon couldn't have a worst timing. We'll see what happens...
Thanks for reading and commenting~!
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Thanks for reading and commenting~!
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I'm quite pleased that at least, this is not a case of Nino being 'currently' in love with Aiba because that would have broken my heart. And it's a nice surprise to know that he's the mysterious person Ohno was ranting about in the earlier chapters.
I wasn't surprised that Kazama was the one about the elevator. But it bothers me that he'll still follow Aiba. Now that we know who Anon is, Aiba is probably the "weak point" these antis were looking for. I now fear for Aiba's life. What kind of revenge do these people want?
And that elevator ride probably looked like the longest ride in their lives. I was thinking that a ringing phone will reveal who Anon is (and in my mind that looked ridiculously funny)... but!!! You managed to make it dramatic that I held my breath. I wanted to punch the wall (again).
*sigh* That was intense. Thanks for this chapter!
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Although Nino is not 'currently' he is, in fact, 'getting over' his feelings, which implies a harsh transition. At least he is happy ^^
Nice theory about Kazama.
Yay! I'm glad I managed to make it dramatic for you <3 Any little detail would have made it pretty funny though lol!
Thanks for reading and commenting~!
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Nino's appearance, his tears, his confession ... until he didn't say he wasn't Anon, my theory that the latter was Sho had begun to waver.
I'm glad now Nino is so happy with Ohno, so much that he can look at his past love for Aiba with serenity. And I loved the fact that he's not so against Anon now.
The hints about the real identity of the secret admirer was pointing towards him, and I believe him when he say he has gone on the terrace that night.
In my opinion Ohno knew perfectly who Anon was.They know each other for years and Sho wanted him beside him to play a very important role in the office. It would have been impossible to keep that secret between them.
My heart was in my throat at the exact moment Aiba and Sho met in the elevator, and I held my breath while Masaki was writing to Anon. I imagined such a reaction from him after the realization, however ... poor Sho! I really hope things will work out because they both love each other. Although, of course, I also understand Masaki perfectly.
What worries me is Kazama and what he could do with the "others".
I don't know how many chapters are left for the end of the story, but I hope there are still a few!
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I'm noticing people seem to be divided on believing Anon went to the terrace or not. That's pretty interesting. True we still have to see Ohno's perspective in all of this. I'm sure he has a few opinions about it himself.
Sho would have to get Aiba's trust back if he wants this to work.
Meanwhile, things certainly don't seem to be done with Kazama.
We are getting quite close to the ending, sadly.
Thanks for reading and commenting~!
I hoped
Re: I hoped
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Things have gotten pretty complicated though, Aiba is angry! >< I always think that if anyone is capable of making Aiba angry, what they did must be really terrible. Can't wait to see how Sho gets himself out of this one...
Especially since he keeps pardoning Aiba for Aiba's "mistakes" at work...and now Aiba hit him in front of people. ><; Also, Kazama's group sounds scaryyy :(
Although I'm looking forward to seeing how things get resolved, I'm also sad that the series is ending... oh well.
Thank you so much for this update! ♡
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Oh, Kazama....
Don't worry! We still got a couple of chapters left!
Thanks for reading and commenting~!